That's how you see your love will be.
When I was in my 20's, my dream was to meet a love that is totally not connected from where I came from. Haven't been to the place where I grew up. Doesn't know my childhood, my most embarassing moment and my ugliest nickname. What I had in mind was that it would be easier to be my most-controlled-me and so-called best of me. Like having fresh beginnings. I surely met my first love. It was beautiful. We were inlove. Planning big leaps in life together, raising a family and many more. Then all of a sudden, it all went to the brink. Slowly. Everyday. And before we knew it, we fell out of love. Disrespect each other. Criticize each other. The warm home became frozen.And the next thing we knew we already went back to being strangers. No not strangers. We were just two lost souls. He was an escapist while I'm more confrontational.
After a decade of being a strong, independent woman. Paying my own bills, raising my kid solely financially and planning big things alone. Which still I am 😉. I met my second love. Someone I knew from the past. I let him in thinking that it would be real, calm and lasting this time. Thinking that love would be easier and happier this time around having someone you are familiar with. No facade. No pretentions. Just genuine me. Genuine love. Sure it was beautiful. Happy. Homy. But we met when both of us are broken. Subconsciously broken. Deeply broken. No matter how hard you hide things from each other, it will eventually come out. We were broken differently. Several times. But we tried to be happy. We planned big things too. Together. Then all of a sudden things went ghostly. Another escapist. And still the old confrontational me. We got disconnected. Not because of the distance but maybe because he doesnt want to be reached. Or I pushed him way too far.
We will never be really enough for someone who doesnt love us genuinely and wholely. If you can't love someone at his worst, then don't expect to be benefiting when he is at his best. If you can't commit to the relationship, then don't expect either to be savouring all the luxuries ☺️. There is no such thing as free lunch in this world. You always get what you invested. You have to pay a price to take out something.
The third love is your highest level of loving yourself. You are not an option. You are meant to be the first priority. First choice. Someone who will choose you everyday no matter how difficult it becomes. Someone who will love you wholely, for who and what you are. Someone who is gentle towards you despite your attitude. Someone who easily forgives you despite repetetive mistakes. Someone who sees their future with you in it. Someone who will pick you up everytime you fall. Someone who will pull yourself out in the crowd when your about to doze off. Someone who will introduce you to Him to be healed. Someone who will keep cheering you up in all you do. Regardless of how little things are. Someone who will treat you to a relaxing spa or a luxurious dinner after a very tiring day. Someone who will shower you gifts because you worked hard for it. Someone who can love you more than anyone else in this Planet Earth. And that's no other than 𝐲𝐨𝐮. Because you are capable to give the love you wish to receive. Because you were made because of love. Because you have so much love in you. And 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 up there has loved you first.
You are capable to buy the things you wish to receive. You are capable to build the future that you look forward to. And you are more than capable to provide for your needs, wants and all the luxuries in life. Because 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 up there is your 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫. Don't keep looking outside. Nowhere. Else you will end up knocking at wrong doors. Worst, you will end up opening doors to wrong people.
You just have to look up and look in the mirror. They are your constants. Now read that again. Louder. Keep your head high and straight. That is where you are meant to be going. Forward.
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